It's funny how things can be going along perfectly well, and then all of a sudden - boom - the bottom completely falls out, and you're left standing/laying in the smoldering heap of what was your life; looking around and saying, "What the fuck just happened?"
What
happened was the perfect storm of sickness, job loss, economic downturn, and homelessness.
The first direct hit was my husband breaking his neck.
It wasn't a paralyzing break, but it was bad enough to require surgery.
Fortunately it happened at work.
Unfortunately, it happened at work - because you see, there's nothing Corporate America hates more than actually compensating someone for getting hurt while earning money for Corporate America (The NERVE!)
They were nothing but helpful and supportive during his recovery - then amazingly, they had no job for him when he came back - imagine that!
The second direct hit was losing my job due to "budget cuts". My position was eliminated and I was left collecting unemployment - just like my husband.
Now, we're children of the 80's - we've NEVER had a problem finding work. You lose a job (or get fired for stupidity) , you go out and get another job - no problem.
As a matter of fact, neither of us had been out of work (except for my stay at home mom years) for any length of time since we got married.
So, not being able to find work was new to both of us.
Then, the final blow - the kill shot to my homestead on the hill -
The guy who owned the property lost it - and we lost our home.
I can't describe the horror of being homeless at 43 years old (with 3 kids and 2 dogs), the utter devastation of moving in with parents, when you've lived independently for 20+ years, and the humiliation of being financially dependent on that parent and the state.
SIDE RANT:
Being financially dependent on the state is probably the worst. They are intrusive, insensitive and just embarrassing to deal with. And while I'm grateful for the assistance, I'm just horrified at what lengths I've had to go to to get that assistance.
SIDE RANT OVER
But it wasn't just our home we lost.
We lost EVERYTHING. The entire contents of my four bedroom house was condensed down into a 10X10 foot space in my mother in laws basement. We literally threw away and gave away and generally got rid of everything we couldn't load into the truck.
My furniture, gardening items, my chickens, beds, living room furniture, my dining room table - the things that actually MAKE a home - everything gone.
We have clothes, pictures, my beloved books -a few things I refused to part with, but that's it.
We also lost people we thought were our friends - and in retrospect, that's a good thing.
The people who were happy to come over and party with us, to drink our beer and eat our food, and take our vegetables and eggs, were nowhere to be found when we were literally in the street.
But worst of all, we lost our confidence.
We moved into a 2 bedroom condo, where my mother lived - six of us, plus two dogs. In two bedrooms.
To say it sucked would be a gross understatement.
We
swore it would only be temporary - but nine months later, we were still there, still penniless, and still jobless.
Damn this is a sad story!
So where are we now?
Well, I like to keep that under wraps.
There are too many people who I prefer didn't know where I am, or where we are to share that bit of information. Suffice it to say we're stable. We're working. We have a home, and we're rebuilding our lives and our confidence one brick at a time.
The kids are fine - although, they're hardly kids anymore - but that's okay. They've seen what adversity looks like, and they've seen what it takes to overcome it. They see it daily, and I hope it makes them stronger.
So what's next?
Well, where we are allows me to have a little garden, it's rural enough that I can walk in the woods, or I can walk on the beach - I find it cathartic. We're healing. We're making new friends - better friends.
I'll be posting again, a friend of mine thought it would be a good idea, and he hasn't steered me wrong yet! So thank you for that PJ.
Oh yeah one last thing, we may be getting settled, but all of my shit is still in my mother in laws basement.
